Attack of the Inners
by Andrometamorphose
Summary: When Jiraiya needs inspiration for Icha Icha Paradise and Tsunade agrees to help, they cook up a plan that has lasting effects, and none of them 'healthy'...sasusaku nejiten naruhina shikaino.. COMPLETE
1. Evil Plans

Attack of the Inners

Chapter 1

Hey! Anyways, I got this idea when I couldn't sleep last night –it seems I always get these ideas at around 11…XD…But anyways, here's the plan. For each chapter I write, it's usually between 8 and 11 reviews. Now, for each review I get, I will type a page. For an example, if I get 4 reviews for a chapter, I'll only type 4 pages, okay? Anyways, I'm hoping for about 10 reviews per chapter and I DO try to update every other day –if I don't, it's because I either have a family thing going on or I'm getting ready for a big chapter, okay? Anyways, READ and REVIEW! I'd really like your IDEAS, OPINIONS, COMMENTS, or CRITICISM since I'm sort of new at this. (oh, and after you read this, you might want to read "Cleared", too. It's really hilarious if you're looking for a laugh XD) Anyways, ON WITH THE FIC!

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Jiraiya was getting bored –really, really bored. He didn't have anything to do besides teaching Naruto now and then and writing new issues of Itcha Itcha Paradise. Usually, it wasn't a problem –he could just get Naruto to use his Sexy no Jutsu as inspriation, but lately, it hadn't been really working.

Poor Jiraiya. He had nothing to do and was such a perv that all the ladies in Konoha avoided him –even the little kids! Seriously, kids weren't Jiraiya's type…his type was more ….well, we won't mention it here, or the rating will go up for this story. Anyways, speaking of the story, let's move on.

Jiraiya was really, really bored so he did what he considered a last resort. He went to the Hokage's office, and planned to ask Tsunade if she wanted to have a drink with him. Jiraiya knew it was a bad idea at the start, but he could get a little inspiration, right? Seriously, once Tsunade started drinking, there was no stopping her –and her need to play strip poker. However, Jiraiya would get the inspiration he needed –just in a different way, mind you.

Jiraiya knocked on Tsundae's door.

"Come in…"

Jiraiya opened the door and found Tsunade in the middle of her "experiments". This time, she was mixing something in a clear vial, when she looked up at him.

"You better not be asking me for a drink…I do NOT want what happened last time…"  
Jiraiya thought back to "the last time" he asked Tsunade out for a drink. She ended up making out with him in public, which although helped the Itcha Itcha series, gave her nightmares afterwards, which greatly increased the amount of sake she drank.

"I seriously had nightmares a month afterwards…" Tsunade said, her eyebrow twitching.

Jiraiya stood there, and came up with a plan…

"But you're so busy…and just think about it, don't you want to RELAX with some delicious sake running down your throat. It'd really make you work faster once you get a nice, comforting, normal night out…" Jiraiya started wheedling.

Tsunade stopped. She had a plan. "Okay, Jiraiya, just this once…"

Jiraiya started. "Yes! Itcha Itcha Paradise Edition #6 here we come!"

"BUT…you have to help me with this plan. I think you'll find that Naruto and his friends will be….a different sort of inspiration for you, too. Different, but definitely bestseller material…" Tsunade said, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"What's in it for you?"

"Duh…I'm bored, dammit….seriously, do you know how much paperwork I had to fill out after Naruto "accidentally" set Sasuke's house on fire? Plus, it'd be ….really amusing to see their reactions to my plan, anyways…"

Jiraiya leaned closer, "So, tell me what your plan is….if it's going to help with the new edition of Itcha Itcha Paradise, then I'm totally in…."

"Okay, basically, this vial right here contains a special potion. Just slip it into each of Naruto's and his friends' food or drink and there should be some pretty good inspiration for you for a month. After that, you're going to have to handle their reactions of what they've done…"

Jiraiya looked confused. (come on, people, cut him some slack…it's not everyday Tsunade agrees to have a drink with him AND promises him some juicy inspiration)

"Okay…so what does that potion do?"

"Every ninja in Konoha has an inner self –a different part of them that is basically more…intense and emotional than that ninja really is. These Inners help out the ninjas with their decisions but also contribute greatly to their personalities. They are usually very aggressive and impatient, too, so there'll probably be some temper tantrums at the beginning. However, the thing about Inners though, is that they can immediately identify their soulmate. This is also how the ninjas develop crushes and usually end up together."

Jiraiya nodded. "I get it! So if I slip this into their drinks, their Inners will take over and there will be a HUGE love thing –an AGGRESSIVE love thing!"

Tsunade nodded, "Exactly. However, it will only last 30 days and I don't know how they will respond after those 30 days. They will probably go after you, but by then, you'll probably have enough inspiration and you'll have published another perverted bestseller."

Jiraiya was ecstatic. This was an even better inspiration for Itcha Itcha Paradise than Tsunade playing strip poker and ranting about pregnant men! Jiraiya, being grateful, finally said, "Hmm, I promise I'll get you home when you're drunk, okay, Tsunade? Seriously, after this month, I'll have all the inspiration I need…"

Tsunade inwardly nodded. _Yes! No more pictures of me playing strip poker! Wait..how do you play it again?_ As you can see, Tsunade tends to forget what she does when she's drunk –which is why she's unaware of her little fan club waiting at the bar, at the moment.

"Sure, Jiraiya, why not? Let's go drink sake tonight and you can get your inspiration tomorrow!"

------------------------

Basically, the night went as planned –Jiraiya had of course lied when he said that he would bring Tsunade home when she got drunk, so she got mobbed by her fan club while playing strip poker. Finally, at around 4 am, they both went drunkenly home. (you REALLY don't want to know the details about that night….let's just say that Tsunade thought that Jiraiya was a pregnant man and he kept…er…humping her….

ANYWAYS…

The next morning, Jiraiya went on with his plan –to make Naruto and the gang be controlled by their Inners….

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Sorry if that was a bit rushed…anyways, I'm kind of hoping for about 8-10 reviews for this since I already have the next chapter planned out and it's going to start getting funny. Basically, this chapter sort of explained what's going to happen. Now, don't forget to READ AND REVIEW! Ja ne!


	2. Milkshakes

Chapter 2

Hey! Did you miss me? Okay, I wasn't gone THAT long –just for a day, so…yeah…ANYWAYS, I'm probably planning to do lots of sasusaku, nejiten, inoshikatema, and naruhina in this fic so all you fans out there can hug me right now –I'm feeling nice….it's a miracle, isn't it?

Anyways, I really don't know what's going to happen this chapter since I don't really plan these things out, but since I got 11 reviews (YAY! Hugs all my lovely cool super awesome reviewers), this chapter is going to be 11 pages, as promised, okay?

Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, there'd be more fluff –that and Orochimaru wouldn't wear so much eyeliner –it's a little scary once you think about it since he was so CUTE when he was little! Anyways, I don't own it, which is why Sasuke started losing his fashion sense –I mean, what is up with him and one pieces and bows and kimonos and stuff? XP

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It was finally morning and Jiraiya had come up with a plan, which was why he was busy making birthday invitations….er, perverted birthday invitations…let's just say that if the boys don't die of blood loss from nosebleeds, then this fanfic won't end soon. Luckily Tsunade had agreed to help before she got drunk last night so Jiraiya wasn't the one in a pink apron baking a cake.

"JIRAIYA!"

Jiraiya had forgotten how loud Tsunade could yell.

"Where the heck is the FROSTING!"

Jiraiya flinched. I mean, it wasn't everyday you had THE hokage cook in YOUR kitchen. Mind you, even the kitchen is taped up with posters from Icha Icha Paradise, and Jiraiya was happy that Tsunade wasn't paying them any attention.

"Er…"

"NEVER MIND! I FOUND IT!"

Jiraiya sighed in relief. He did NOT want Tsunade coming after him in the mornings because he had a MAJOR hangover.

How does she do it? I mean, I feel disgusting right now –even worse than when I watched Naruto play strip poker…god I do NOT want to ever remember that….my virgin eyes were scarred that time…

"JIRAIYA! I'M DONE! YOU BETTER HAVE FINISHED THOSE INVITATIONS!"

Jiraiya winced. He really did have a bad hangover.

"Yes..yes…now can you get Naruto and the others here? Seriously, I've been waiting all night for this.."

That part was true –Jiraiya really did have black circles under his eyes as he filled out the last invitation.

"Okay, first we have to deliver the invitations, then we'll wait for them to arrive," Tsunade had somehow planned all of this out while baking a cake from scratch.

Jiraiya's brain started overheating.

"Jiraiya…stop thinking…."

Jiraiya thankfully listened to Tsunade.

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All of the ninjas gathered around Tsunade and Jiraiya, with their invitations. Apparently, they had all received them and were waiting. Some, like Chouji and Naruto came for the "free food", and others, like Neji, Gaara, Lee, Sasuke, and Shino came for the "free training and killing techniques" as the invitation had indicated. Others, like Tenten, Sakura, Ino, and Hinata came since their guys were there. ….And well, Shikamaru came because the invitation said there would be back rubs. Kiba…was just…there…..at the beginning…..and Sai, well, let's just say he came with "dickless wonder".

ANYWAYS, Tsunade started talking.

"Before you start learning and eating and sleeping or whatever, I am assigning you a mission."

Everybody groaned.

"Hn…"

"…so ….troublesome…"

"is there ramen involved?"

"munch….munch"

"ruff!"

"argh…"

"cha!"

"e…e…er…."

"figures…"

Tsunade continued, ignoring the protests, "Your mission is to eat this cake." Tsunade pointed to her homemade cake.

Eyebrows started twitching.

"THAT'S A MISSION?"

Tsunade sighed. She didn't have any other ideas of slipping in her potion to the ninjas. "Just do it. At least you'll succeed in this mission." She glared at Naruto. He gulped.

The ninjas sighed.

"Ok…I'll take a small slice…"

"I'll have one…"

"Hn…."

"…."

"…."

"bow wow….XD"

"YOSH! Cake is youthfulness!"

"s..s…sure…."

"troublesome…."

Eventually, all the ninjas started eating some of the cake.

After about 5 minutes of chewing, they started choking.

"The frosting is toothpaste!"

"What are you trying to do, Tsunade? Poison us?

Tsunade's eyes started twitching….

"Jiraiya…why did you have toothpaste where the frosting was supposed to be?"

Jiraiya started running out of the room, and was chased by Tsunade.

Luckily, they had remembered to place a video camera in the room to spy on them just as the ninjas began to pass out and faint. (yes people, THE Uchiha Sasuke fainted too…same with THE Hyuuga Neji, too….I guess their hotness doesn't protect them from Tsunade's potion…XD)

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Sakura woke up first. With her Inner released.

"YES! SASUKE'S ASLEEP! THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM!" Sakura started creeping towards Sasuke, who was stirring. She bent down and was about to kiss him when he sat up suddenly. Their heads crashed into each other and they mouths met.

And they pulled back.

Sasuke started turning red while Sakura started screaming outloud in victory.

"HA! INO I KISSED SASUKE! HA! SHANNARO! GO ME! YAHOO!"

She started leaping around the room. It seems as if Inner Sakura doesn't need caffiene to get high. Poor Sakura. She's somewhere in the back of her mind, cursing herself for fainting and cheering for kissing Sasuke but she's embarrassed that she's jumping up and down. ANYWAYS…

Ino was awake, and pretty much everyone else was up by this time while Jiraiya and Tsunade were watching what was going on from the video camera and laughing.

Ino pouted.

"HMPH! HEY, AT LEAST I DON'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, HE LOOKS LIKE A CHICKEN WHEN HE WAKES UP!" Ino screamed. It seems as if her Inner doesn't like Sasuke at all…XD

Ino and Sakura started fighting each other while the others looked on. After about 5 minutes, Sasuke was getting tired watching them fight and started twitching furiously. His Inner started taking over.

"SAKURA! MY CHERRY BLOSSOM! DO NOT GET HURT!" Sasuke started screaming. "YOU ARE MY YOUTHFULNESS!"

Sakura and Ino stopped and stared at Sasuke.

"Sasuke…you're starting to sound like Lee…"

"HN…."

"That's better…"

(who knew? It seems as if Sasuke's Inner had major moodswings…)

Ino, watching all of this take place started curling up in a corner, where Shikamaru was trying to go back to sleep again….

"Ino…"

"Yes….Shika-kun…"

"What did you just call me?"

"umm…Shike-kun…"

"this is so troublesome…"

"SHIKA!"

Ino started hugging Shikamaru, who was having trouble breathing.

"Ino…I guess you're over Sasuke now, right?"

"YEAH! I WAS NEVER INTO THAT DUCK FACE!"

Shikamaru started smiling. And then stopped. Why was he smiling? It was too troublesome to smile..

Meanwhile, Neji was busy …er….how do I say this?….sucking Tenten's toe. (don't ask…)

"Neji?"

suck, suck…

"Why are you sucking my toe?"

suck, suck….  
"You know, you look cute with your hair like this…can I play with it?" Tenten had no idea what she was saying so she tried covering her mouth. Unfortunately, her Inner took over.

Tenten began braiding Neji's hair as he sucked her toe.

"Tenten…"

"Yes…"

"You have….pretty toes…"

Tenten blushed.

"Was that….just a compliment?"

Neji continued sucking her toe.

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Naruto, however, somehow stayed the same, if not a little bit weirder…He was, surprisingly, hugging Hinata, though.

"hinata…"

"…"

Hinata was struggling to breathe, but she wasn't fainting…

"Naruto…"

"yes?"

Naruto loosened his grip on Hinata.

"I DIDN'T FUCKIN' FAINT! YAR!"

Hinata started cussing out loud and jumping in the air with Naruto.

"HINATA! YOU'RE AWESOME"

"I FUCKING KNOW I AM! HELL YEAH!"

And with that, Naruto and Hinata started making out….

The rest of the ninjas stared at them…either in admiration or horror, I really don't know…

Sasuke and Sakura looked at each other.

"Maybe we should try that…" Sasuke suggested. "I mean, you are the incarnate of YOUTHFULNESS!"

Lee, however was screaming at Sasuke for stealing his punch line, but let's ignore him right now…

Sakura nodded, "I KNEW YOU LIKED ME! HA!"

Sasuke suddenly looked down…um….Sakura's…shirt….and turned red.

"Sasuke…"

"…."

"What are you doing?"

"…"

Sasuke's nose started bleeding as Sakura bent down and leaned closer. He couldn't take it anymore and started singing out loud.

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And they're like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge_

I know you want it,  
The thing that makes me,  
What the guys go crazy for.  
They lose their minds,  
The way I wind,  
I think its time  


Everybody turned to the singing Sasuke.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp. (in this fic, Sakura has NOTHING against birds…if you don't know what I'm talking about, then read my other fic, "Cleared" )

Silence.

Then Ino started bellydancing in front of Shikamaru, who was suffering from a major nosebleed.

Neji finally stopped sucking Tenten's toes and was sucking another part of her anatomy entirely….let's just not mention that part since I'm afraid the rating might go up..XD…Tenten, though, was enjoying it because it was…. started dancing with Hinata who was singing along with Sasuke. Soon, everyone was grinding in the small office –even Gaara, who was strip-teasing on the desk.

However, not everyone was happy.

Lee's Inner was decidedly a goth (no offense to any goths, I happen to have some friends that are goths too –I basically just made Lee a goth since it's so against his usual personality) , so Lee was somehow talking to Akamaru about the darkness of life.

Chouji was thinking of going on a diet.

Kiba was….well….marking his territory on Tsunade's chair.

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(in a cabin in the middle of the forest)

Jiraiya started giggling as he and Tsunade watched what the ninjas were doing.

Tsunade, however, was busy on the phone calling Gai, Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai to tell them to come over.

"Yes, Kakashi, it's a sneak peek of the next Icha Icha Paradise edition."

Tsunade finally finished calling everyone and started making popcorn.

She went into the living room and started watching Gaara strip tease on her desk as Kiba was peeing on her desk.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Tsunade burst out laughing as Jiraiya started taking notes for his future bestseller. The doorbell suddenly rang as Kakashi and the others streamed in.

They took one look at the tv and started having nosebleeds.

Well, all except Gai who was screaming about youthfulness.

"Tsunade…" Kakashi started twitching.

"Yes…"

"What did you do to my team?"

"And my team?"

"And what about mine?"

"I just…intesified their personalities…" Tsunade's eyes were glued onto the screen as Gaara started taking off his pants.

Kurenai started blushing as Kakashi and Asuma sweatdropped.

However, the situation changed when they saw Sasuke belting out "Milkshake".

Cricket.

Cricket.

Kakashi spit out his mouthful of popcorn while Asuma choked on his cigarette.

Tsuanade, on the other hand, started laughing hysterically.

Kakashi managed to choke out, "Tsunade. If you managed to get Sasuke to do that, then you are my hero…"

Tsunade nodded as she turned back to the tv. There, on the screen, was a close-up of Neji on top of Tenten, sucking on parts of her female anatomy while she braided his hair.

The camera swiveled around, showing Shino with hairspray, trying to tame down his 'fro.

Kakashi suddenly had an idea.

"Why don't we put this on primetime?"

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So how'd you like it? It took me forever –basically because I was reading fanfics while typing this, but I still worked hard on this. Oh, and this is actually turning out harder than I thought. Oh well….Anyways, I NEED YOUR IDEAS! So REVIEW, and give me COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CRITICISM, or the MUCH NEEDED IDEAS! (thank you, thank you) Until next time,

Ja ne!


	3. Primetime!

Chapter 3

Hey! I'm back! Well, let's see…I may not update "Cleared" or this fanfic tomorrow since I have a family thing going on since my mom is taking until Tuesday off and I'll probably be busy with some stuff, but ANYWAYS, I'll try to update over the weekend. But back to this fic. I was so HAPPY that I was screaming when I saw that I had 12 reviews…it was like totally unexpected. I thought I'd probably get flamed for writing something so random and OOC, but I guess you guys like it. What can I say? Anyways, I'd like to thank ALL MY REVIEWERS for clicking the purple button and telling me what they think…I'd like to thank Maxxride, K.C., and Demon of Konoha especially for giving me ideas for this chapter. Well, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto –I own Sasuke….-winks-….well, technically I don't, but still…I'm controlling him in the fic…MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

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While our favorite ninjas were grinding in Tsunade's office, Tsunade and the others started calling someone from the primetime network. Let's just call him Bob, okay?

Anyways, while Tsunade was talking to Bob about the pros of having the ninjas on t.v., the heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Kakashi opened the door, and lo and behold, Shizune and Anko were at the door with cake! (you know what this means, guys…XD…thanks to Demon of Konoha for this idea…)

Kurenai turned around, sniffing the air, "Do I smell…cake?"

Kakashi, Kurenai, Jiariya, and Asuma, immediately jumped up, ignoring the television screen depicting Chouji bellydancing and took the cake from Anko and Shizune. They started stuffing their mouths immediately, quickly finishing the cake.

It was Tsunade who got suspicious of the cake first, since she was still on the phone with Bob, "Shizune…where did you get that cake?"

Shizune, watching the television screen as her mind was being scarred by the sight of Chouji's stomach, didn't reply until a few seconds later.

"Oh…I went into your office to tidy up a bit and saw the students," Shizune pointed to the t.v. screen, "Then, I saw the cake on your desk and thought it was a gift so I brought it over."

Tsunade and Jiraiya paled.

"At least we didn't eat it…" Jiraiya said.

"Why?"

"Because the cake is sort of spiked with one of Tsunade's potions. It'll make whoever eats it become their Inner Self…and usually, your Inner is a little aggressive…and er….romantic…"

"Like that?" Anko pointed to the screen, where Gaara was pole-dancing (ok..i know there isn't a pole in Tsunade's office, but let's use our imaginations, okay?…eew..not THAT way people…I think this fic is enough for you guys…XD).

Jiraiya quickly turned back and started taking notes again.

"WILL SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" Shizune started screaming for attention. (Note to readers: If Shizune is mad, bad things begin to happen…very bad things…)

Unfortunately, no one was listening to her because:

Kakashi began making out with Anko while reading Icha Icha Paradise (it's a feat, I tell you! XD) , who was pinned to the floor.

Kurenai started playing strip poker with Asuma, who was losing badly.

Jiraiya's head began hurting from turning around from the television to what was happening in front of him so many times. His nose also began gushing out more blood, too.

Tsunade was in a heated conversation with Bob about the "actors" consent of being put on primetime.

Shizune, knowing that she wouldn't be able to help in this kind of situation, began participating in it….by being the MAIN ATTRACTION a.k.a. THE HOOKER. Seeing only one guy left in the room who wasn't taken, she made her way slowly towards Jiraiya….and got closer…and closer….and started stripping in front of him.

I, as the authoress, will not mention what went on for the next half hour, as it might kill the rating for this story. However, I WILL say that by the end of those 30 minutes, everyone besides Tsunade, who was talking to Bob about the rating of the show, was on the floor naked.

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At Tsunade's office, the party began winding down as Hinata suddenly announced that she had to go see her father about something important. Naruto, being the nice little ninja that he is, said that he'd go with her. The others, noticing their departure, went and followed them to the Hyuuga compound.

However, their journey to the Hyuugas' was far from uneventful. Sasuke and Sakura, of course, began the craziness.

Sasuke and Sakura started singing.

_I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.  
I still feel your touch in my dreams.  
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.  
Without you it's hard to survive.  
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.  
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.  
I need you by my side. _

"STOP SINGING! I need silence to focus my thoughts on darkness…don't you understand my needs and longings?" Lee started musing about the effects of noise and sound while Chouji was preaching about youthfulness. However, no one paid attention to either of them.

Neji and Tenten were licking and sucking at the sidewalk as they moved along, of course being stepped on so many times that Tenten's buns were all out of place (not THOSE buns people…god, people these days…XD) and Neji's hair was a bit…er…dirty. (seriously, have you ever seen THE Hyuuga Neji with his hair dirty? No…I didn't think so…XD) During this, Gaara was trying on a YELLOW, POLKA-DOTTED bikini while Sai was …er…drawing pictures of naked woman all over his shirtless chest. Shikamaru was carrying Ino, who was licking his face.

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(Hyuuga Compound)

"We're FINALLY FUCKING HERE!" Hinata screamed as they arrived at the front gate. Skipping in, (yes, they were all skipping…apparently Inners like to skip…XD) Hinata and the rest crowded in, searching for Hiashi.

Suddenly, someone came up behind them.

"…what are you all doing in my house?" a deep voice rumbled.

"HIASHI!" Hinata screeched as they all turned around, "I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, YOU BASTARD, SO YOU BETTER LISTEN UP!"

Hiashi cocked up an eyebrow, surprised that his daughter was speaking like this.

"Well…what is it?"

However, he didn't get to hear what Hinata was saying because, apparently, Sasuke started singing again.

_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!_

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Gaara started strip teasing again, only this time on a nearby couch and Ino and Shikamaru were at it again. Shino was raiding the house for hairspray and some hair gel, and Lee was talking to himself about the moon.

Sakura started taking off Sasuke's shirt while he was singing so parts of it came out muffled so it what was supposed to be

_I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party_

Came out like

"I can crap on a star, I can french on my knees

Come hump it, bimbo friend, let us do it again

Hit me 'round, fool around, let's go party"

Meanwhile, Hiashi looked on with undisguised horror as Kiba whipped out a boom box and began playing some disco music and doing the electric slide while Shino and Akamaru were styling each other's hair. Suddenly, Hiashi felt someone jump on his back and was tackled to the floor by Tenten and Neji. They then began sucking on various parts of Hiashi's anatomy while Hinata walked up closer and began screaming at him.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BASTARD YOU ARE? I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND CRITICIZE ME WHILE AT NIGHT, YOU WATCH IMPORTED PORN ON THE WIDESCREEN TV DOWNSTAIRS! DO YOU THINK THAT'S **HEALTHY?** IT'S GROSS! GO GET LAID OR SOMETHING!"

Hiashi began doubting himself and wondering if this was all just a prank because Hinata was all up in his face. He hurriedly wiped some spit from his face where Tenten had sucked on his nose and was about to start killing the ninjas when he heard a familiar song.

_Uh huh, this is my shit  
All the girls stomp your feet like this_

A few times I've been around that track  
So it's not just gonna happen like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl 

_I ain't no hollaback girl_

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit

I heard that you were talking shit  
And you didn't think that I would hear it  
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up  
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack  
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out  
That's right, put your pom-poms downs, getting everybody fired up  


Hiashi suddenly stopped whatever he was about to start and began grinding with Sasuke, who was singing "Hollaback Girl" (A/N: I don't own any of these songs you'll find in this chapter. You should know the names of these songs, but if you don't and if you want to, feel free to PM me, okay?) Gaara, who was finally done strip teasing, started dancing naked to the disco music on the other side of the room with Kiba, while Chouji started talking about PMS with Ino. Suddenly, Temari and Kankuro (sp?) come out of nowhere (let's just say that they were visiting konoha with gaara and suddenly appeared at the Hyuuga's, okay?) and start turning up the volume. Hiashi, seeing the newcomers, started going up and greeting them. Five minutes later, Temari, Kankuro, and Hiashi are at it in a threesome.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

(in the middle of the woods)

Tsunade finally hung up the phone.

"IT'S ON PRIMETIME RIGHT NOW!" She hurriedly got the others awake (hey, they might have been tired after going at it for hours…) and turned on the tv.

"And here we have our new show, 'Attack of the Inners!' What would you do if your Other Self started taking over your body? What kinds of messes will you get into? What kind of romances?" Bob was on the screen with a picture of Naruto and the gang before they ate the cake, "Well, watch and find out!"

The image on the screen faded as it was replaced by what was going on at the Hyuuga compound.

"Is that my youthful Lee there?" It seemed as if Gai was back, and was annoying the hell out of Tsunade.

"Gai, either watch or get out. Take your pick."

"I WILL CHOOSE THE YOUTHFUL DECISION! I WILL WATCH!"

"Fine, now shut up."

All of the senseis, along with Tsunade, Jiraiya, Anko, and Shizune, started watching the show.

--------------------------------------

(in the middle of nowhere…)

Kabuto was making some popcorn when he heard Orochimaru.

"Ka-chan! Guess what? There's a new show on primetime! Attack of the Inners!"

Kabuto smiled, bringing out the popcorn.

"Sure, Oro-chan! Want some popcorn?"

The two men started munching on the popcorn while their eyes were glued to the screen, where Sasuke was grinding with Sakura, and Sai was still drawing naked women…except on …different….areas of his body…

"Oooh! Ka-chan! I want THAT body!" Orochimaru pointed to Sasuke, whose head was where Sakura's …er…chest was.

"Sorry, but it seems as if he's taken…" Kabuto said, "But you still have me, don't you, Oro?"

"Yesssss….I still have you!" Orochimaru turned off the tv. "Now, why don't you show me what you I taught you today from that old Icha Icha Paradise book?"

---------------------------------------

(on the moon…(jk)…)

Itachi's Sharingan eyes were stuck on the tv., where Sasuke was now at it with Hanabi and Sakura. (let's just say that Hanabi appeared out of nowhere, okay? XD..this is getting way too random, but I can't help it…it's just too hilarious! XD)

"So that's why my little brother hasn't been after me…it seems he's found…other means of reviving the clan…"

---------------------------------------

(Hyuuga Compound)

Hinata had finally finished the speech that only she and Naruto had heard. Satisfied, they both went to her room, oblivious to what was going on.

------------

The others, seeing that their "leaders" were gone, started wrapping up their "party". Tenten and Neji took turns sucking Hiashi's nose one last time as they grinded to "Everytime We Touch", and finally left, saying that they were going to the woods near the training grounds to "train". Sasuke and Sakura finally leave, too, after Sasuke suggested that they go buy some Britney Spears cds.

Now, the only ones left were Kiba and Sai, who were STILL doing the electric slide and drawing, Shino, who had finally tamed down his 'fro, Shikamaru, Ino, and Temari, who were having a threesome, and Kankuro, Lee, and Chouji, who were "playing" with Kankuro's banana-shaped dolls…er…puppets. (let's not get into that, shall we?)

Suddenly, the door slammed open.

"LEE! WE MUST TRAIN AFTER OUR DAY-LONG BREAK! IT IS YOUTHFUL!"

Lee, in his current Goth state, said, "Gai, youth is part of the light. I detest light. Therefore, I will not be youthful, which means I WILL NOT TRAIN!"

Gai, shocked that his favorite pupil was so…different, broke down crying.

Lee, getting fed up with Gai, left, saying that he had to go and meditate.

The rest of the ninjas, getting bored, also left, but not until they got at it with Hiashi, who, surprisingly, wasn't complaining.

----------------------------------------

(in the middle of the woods)

"That was AWESOME!" Tsunade screamed, laughing her head off. The tv screen had faded after showing the image of Chouji, Shikamaru, Temari, and Ino staying at a nearby hotel.

However, only Tsunade appreciated the show for its…er…creativity. The rest of the Jounins were either making plans of how to torment their teams (Kakashi was thinking about following Sasuke around wherever he went with a video camera and was planning on using it as future blackmail) or were busy making out, as was the case with Shizune and Jiraiya and Kurenai and Asuma.

Tsunade sighed, feeling left out.

"Hey Tsunade!"

She turned around.

It was Jiraiya, who winked. "Want to join us for a threesome?"

"Gladly…"

--------------------------------------------

Well, there you have it, people! Chapter 3 of "Attack of the Inners" is done. How was it? It took me FOREVER, people. I tried to put many of the suggestions that I got into the chapter so I hope you all liked it. Anyways, please REVIEW! And also, give me some more IDEAS since I really have no idea of what to put in for the next chapter –probably something about how all of this disrupts the ninjas' lives…I seriously don't know yet, so if you have ideas, I NEED THEM! Please! (thank you, thank you)


	4. Training?

Attack of the Inners

Yeah, yeah…I'm finally back with another chappie…you guys are lucky that I'm updating, I guess since I've been so freaking busy…we had to go to Staples to buy school supplies TT and then …well…my dad has been making me draw for like forever these past few days. Like, yesterday, I drew for 3 ½ hours and today it went up to 5 freaking hours so I'm a little pissed right now. Don't even think about flaming me if this turns out to be a sucky chapter…I'll try to make it funny though since I need a little laugh too…Anyways, you're probably wondering why I would be mad drawing for 5 hours when I said that I sorta liked drawing. The deal is, people say that I have what they call "talent" in art, which I find is no big deal. However, they want me to CULTIVATE this talent by forcing me to draw a friggin' ugly french lady (no offense if you're french, it's just that all this drawing is killing my brain and my butt hurts from sitting on the friggin' WOOD floor for 5 hours….…god, my fingers kill right now and I'm covered in lead. The worst part is, I don't get to use charcoal, which means no charcoal drawing and I LOVE drawing with charcoal. Seriously. You should try it sometime.

Btw, if you want to read something more serious, I started a new fic, "Wishes" yesterday. It's sort of a oneshot, but if I get enough reviews, I might add another chappie or make a sequel.

Disclaimer: This thing is making me even more pissed…okay, if you're one of those big fat lawyers with a red convertible and a Mercedes along with a trophy wife, and if you STILL want more money, you're not gonna be able to sue me cuz I DON'T OWN NARUTO! There…..ya happy?

-------------------------------

(The next day…)

About a day had passed since Naruto and the others had eaten the cake, so obviously, right now they'd be training. Let's see what they're up to…

---------------

Tenten and Neji walked towards the training grounds, where they waited for Gai and Lee to arrive. Surprisingly, this was the first time they had ever been earlier than the spandex-clad ninjas.

Tenten and Neji lay down on the grass.

"So, Neji…did you get over your "sucking on body parts" phase?" Tenten asked Neji, who was licking a lollipop.

"Well," Neji licked his multi-colored lollipop, "sort of…" Neji licked it again, "this lollipop is a replacement for a human body part. Hiashi has a huge storeroom filled with these things and he literally forced me to put ten of these in my mouth after finding out that I was sucking on Hanabi's toes instead of his…"

Tenten giggled, "Well, why don't you share that lollipop with me? I'm not sure I'm over the sucking thing yet…and we're sort of run out of things to suck on at home…"

Neji smirked, "And what if I don't share it?"

Tenten got a devious glint in her eye, "Then, you'll be sorry…" She started stripping Neji of his bulky jacket and proceeded to lick his back, not unlike Akamaru. However, Neji found this strangely comfortable and was about to return the favor when Lee arrived. However, he was dressed a little differently…

"'sup?"

Tenten and Neji stared at him.

O.O

Cricket.

Cricket.

Lee had shaved half his hair off, so it was sort of in a mohawk. The ends were died green and they were sort of spiked but were wilting, causing him to look like a drowned chicken, even worse than Sasuke looks when he comes out of the shower. (well, Sakura would know, anyways…) What was even more un-Lee-like was his whole outfit. Instead of the green jumpsuit that made people doubt whether he could ever pee or not, Lee had on ripped black cargo pants and chains dangling from the pockets. He had on a black muscle tee with a picture of the band, Evanescence, on him, along with a black spiked collar. (I LOVE Evanescence –their best song is "Everybody's Fool" –check it out…)

"what's wrong with you people?" Lee drawled, actually using a contraction for the first time in his life.

Tenten was the first to recover, surprisingly, "Er…you just never dress and look like this..Lee…"

Tenten started tapping on Neji's shoulder, who was still in shock. When that didn't work, she started shaking him violently.

Neji stll wasn't responding, and as a result of Tenten's shaking, his head was lolling around.

Tenten got an evil idea, "Well…Neji, if you're not going to wake up, then this will work…" She brandished a big pair of garden shears and proceeded to cut a chunk of Neji's hair.

Snip.

Snip.

However, Neji's hair wouldn't cut. Tenten started tugging on Neji's hair, causing his head to snap backwards.

"LEE, HELP ME!" Tenten was getting frustrated, while Lee was in "Sasuke-pose", leaning on a nearby tree.

Luckily, before Tenten could do any more damage to Neji and his hair, Gai appeared.

"HOW ARE YOU, MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS? HAVE YOU BEEN TRAINING? I HOPE YOU HAVE BECAUSE TODAY I HAVE A SURPRISE! WE WILL…"

However, no one got to know what Gai's surprise was (luckily…) because Gai was staring openmouthed at Lee…or rather the "new" Lee.

"LEE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, MY MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENT? YOUR APPEARANCE IS NO LONGER YOUTHFUL!"

Lee sighed, clearly getting annoyed for once at his overyouthful sensei, "nothing…haven't you heard that change is good? It seems as if…your youth is fading…"

"NO! MY YOUTH IS NOT FADING! THAT CANNOT BE HAPPENING! AND WHY IS THIS COMING FROM YOU? IT IS TOO UNYOUTHFUL?"

"Gai…I'm getting bored…and you're also killing my ears."

Gai pried his mouth away from Lee's ear (oops..did that sound wrong? Well…just pretend I didn't say that…) and suddenly became serious and took on the "commercial man" voice.

"Lee, take this medicine. It is called Cymbalta, and it will ease your depression. However, if you have heart or liver problems, then you cannot take it. Here, take it, because depression hurts everyone, everywhere…"

Neji finally woke up from his trance, "Oh…Gai, that stuff doesn't work…Hiashi took it once and he turned psycho –that's why he's wearing dresses and flowery stuff…"

Hiashi took that moment to skip across the street in a pink flowery tutu, complete with ballet shoes and ribbons in his hair.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Thud.

It seemed as if Neji was out for good this time.

-----------------------------

Surprisingly, Sakura was the first one to arrive at their usual training area. Stretching, she looked around.

Good. Nobody was there.

She crept into the bushes and started changing (let's just say she brought an extra pair of clothes along, okay?). However, her "privacy was soon interrupted by some footsteps quickly approaching her. Sakura quickly tried to get the most of her clothes on, but the stranger was there before she was…er…fully dressed.

"Sasuke?"

The stranger was indeed Sasuke…however, he, like Lee, looked a little different. He was in some tight leather pants with lace-up combat boots and had somehow snagged some black nail polish and painted his nails black. He was wearing a black t-shirt, too, which also advertised my other favorite band, Flyleaf, and in his right hand was a ginormous bright pink boombox, courtesy of some trash left behind by Itachi. However, his hair was the same –chicken-y and cockatoo-ish.

"…Sakura?.."

Sakura suddenly got a hold of herself, "SASUKE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THESE BUSHES? I'M NOT EVEN DRESSED YET!"

Sasuke blushed (well, this IS his Inner we're talking about, so …yeah…), "Well, what are you doing in the bushes then?"

"I'm in the middle of changing!"

"Why?" Sasuke scratched his head with his free hand.

"…because the red dress made me look like an apple…I want to go for the tomato look.." Sakura was calming down. After all, if Sasuke was there in the middle of her changing, he HAD to notice her perfectly toned …er…body, right?

Sasuke suddenly grinned, which scared Sakura A LOT. I mean, the only time Sasuke has ever grinned in the manga is when he's thinking of Orochimaru, right? Oh my god, what did the snake guy DO to my Sasuke-kun? Oh well…I still have my sandman, Gaara….anyways, back to the fic…

"I LOVE TOMATOES! THEY ARE SO YOUTHFUL AND PLUMP AND JUICY!" Sasuke suddenly declared.

Sakura flushed a bright pink, so bright that her hair sort of looked washed out (just so you know, I don't think that's possible, but …yeah…), and then remembered what situation she was in.

"SASUKE! GET OUT!" As you can see, Inner Sakura has many moodswings…

Sasuke obeyed Sakura and walked to the opposite direction, where he was greeted by Kakashi.

"Yo!"

"Kakashi, do you like tomatoes?"

Kakashi frowned. The effects of the cake started to take over him again, "NO! I DO NOT LIKE TOMATOES! MY ONLY LIKES ARE TRAINING, READING ICHA ICHA PARADISE, AND MY YOUTHFUL BELOVED ANKO!"

Sasuke yelled back, not liking this anti-tomato side of Kakashi, "TOMATOES ARE THE BEST! EVEN SAKURA SAYS SO!"

Kakashi scratched his head, "Wait…where's Sakura…and Naruto?"

Sakura chose this time to walk out of the bushes in her new outfit, complete with makeup. Let's see, (uses one of those weird reporter people voices) Sakura is wearing a highly fashionable red top, which flaunts what she has. Oh girl, you are WORKING it! The jeans are Lucky™ brand jeans and girl, they are TIGHT. Along with her outfit, Sakura has some black combat boots, very fashionable, if I must say, and some gold and silver bangles. Make-up is blue and green eyeshadow/eyeliner and pale pink lip gloss. (puts down mega-phone)

Sasuke and Kakashi immediately had nosebleeds. Unfortunately, Kakashi fell into a nearby pond and was kidnapped by Anko, who carried him to her house…for some…er…torture….

Sasuke, on the other hand, finally figured out what to do. He turned on his boombox and started singing.

_Oh baby, baby  
Oh baby, baby Oh baby, baby  
How was I supposed to know  
That something wasn't right here  
Oh baby baby  
I shouldn't have let you go  
And now you're out of sight, yeah  
Show me, how you want it to be  
Tell me baby  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
My loneliness is killing me  
I must confess, I still believe  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign  
**Hit me baby one more time**_

Sasuke screamed the last part out as Sakura started grinding with him.

-------------------------------

Meanwhile, Naruto and Hinata were at the Hyuuga compound, eating ramen.

"So, Naruto what do you want to eat?" Hinata was trying to restrain herself from cussing.

"Eer…how about miso ramen?"

"Sure!" Hinata smiled, getting the stuff ready.

"Believe it!"

Five minutes later.

"HOLY FRIGGIN' SHIT! THE WATER'S ON FIRE!"

Naruto tried to put the fire, but ended up getting his jumpsuit on fire. Hinata rushed to help him put out the fire on himself and the ramen, but it was too late.

Half an hour later, the fire was out, but not before Naruto's and Hinata's clothes were all burnt….so….they had nothing on….

"Naruto….you are so friggin' hot, you know that?" Hinata edged closer to Naruto.

"H-h-hinata?" Naruto was acting like the usual Hinata and was turning a bright red.

"Well…" Hinata was on top of Naruto by now.

"…" Naruto gulped.

Hinata pulled some handcuffs out and handcuffed Naruto to the fridge.

"Get ready…" Hinata pressed herself against Naruto.

Naruto, unfortunately, lost it.

"HINATA! DON'T RAPE ME! I DON'T WANNA BE THE UKE!"

Hinata scowled, "Naruto, a) you know you want this…and b) we're not gay…."

That comforted Naruto…a little bit. He relaxed and enjoyed the show.

OK…MOVING ON…(what happens with Naruto and Hinata will make the rating go up …so …yeah…and plus, I don't like writing lemons)

-----------------------

Kiba and Shino were at the training grounds; however, they were doing anything BUT training…(not THAT people…god, I'm not THAT bad, am I?)

Kiba was …er…making out with Akamaru, who didn't seem to be enjoying it one bit. To tell you the truth, Kiba was using his hands to pry open the dog's mouth and was almost choking the poor dog to death with his tongue. Everytime, Kiba came up for air, Akamaru would try to shut his mouth, but only ended up with more tongue stuck somewhere down his throat. He tried growling, but his poor throat was being killed.

Shino, on the other hand, wasn't REALLY torturing anything. He was more like Snow White and had lured all the squirrels to where he and Kiba were and was dancing with them. Well, the squirrels basically didn't have a choice, as they were threatened with the possibility of never having any nuts again. And that was meant both food-related and anatomy-related, people. (aren't I evil? XD)

Anyways, Shino was too busy disco dancing and Kiba was too busy...er…sucking dog face to notice Kurenai come into view. However, she brought along a little plaything…or should we say a "special someone". Unfortunately, that special someone turned out to be Asuma.

"Oohh…Asuma, look at the little kiddies playing with the animals! They remind me of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs!"

"…" Apparently, Asuma was smoking something other than his normal cigarrettes. More like crack. Or pot. Or speed. Take your pick.

"Asuma, why don't we play pretend? I can be Snow White and you can be…um…" Kurenai pouted, unable to think what character Asuma was most like.

"Er…how about the prince…" Asuma was blushing under his tan.

"Oh! I got it! You can be one of the dwarves!" Apparently, Kurenai hadn't heard Asuma.

-------------------------------------

(in the middle of the woods)

Tsunade, Shizune, and Jiraiya were watching what was happening on primetime.

"And so…" Bob was announcing, "you should all beware of rabid squirrels, as depicted in the video of Shino disco-dancing with those animals, disco music makes squirrels rabid."

Cricket.

Cricket.

Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Shizune sat staring.

"AHH! RABID SQUIRREL! RABID SQUIRREL!" Bob ran off the screen.

------------------------------

So, how was it? I was going to update Cleared as well but I'm too lazy right now and I wanna watch tv…anyways, REVIEW! Or I will make the rabid squirrels visit you! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (thank you, thank you) Oh, and the policy is still on, it's just that for this chappie, I had to finish is quickly cuz my computer time is up so ja ne!

_**  
**_


	5. Gaara's Long Day

Chapter 5

Hey you guys! It seems as though the review count has sort of dropped for last chapter…:(….anyways, even though I only got 6 reviews for last chapter, I'm going to make this more or less 8 pages because I'm nice. ;) …Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to Arue because of her INSPIRING review. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: DIE YOU LAWYERS! I DON'T OWN NARUTO!

----------------

Gaara woke up in the middle of the woods, bathed in stale sweat and leaves and shivering in his yellow polka-dotted bikini. He rolled over.

"Argh…." Apparently, his muscles were still sore from the "events" and grinding at Hiashi's.

"So! You're up already?" Temari's face was suddenly right up in Gaara's line of vision.

"AHH! IT'S THE BOOGEY MONSTER!" Gaara screamed, backing away and stumbling into something hard.

"Oow…what was that for?" The black shapeless lump moved.

Gaara was slowly losing it, "AHH! THE TEDDY EATER IS ALIVE!"

The black shapeless lump spoke again, "Gaara…it's Kankuro….and did last night really happen?"

Gaara's memory came flooding back and looked down at himself, "yellow…bikini….polka dots…."

Temari and Kankuro burst out laughing.

"Gaara….your fashion sense….is….," Temari couldn't finish her sentence because of her laughing. Luckily, Gaara chose this moment to restrain himself from killing everything in sight and brought out some spare clothes.

"Hey! Where'd you get that?" Temari crossed her arms, angry that Gaara hadn't brought any spare clothes for her.

"From Hiashi's wardrobe…" Gaara muttered, "sneaked into his room when he was busy grinding with Neji and Tenten…"

Temari frowned, "Then why didn't you get me any?"

"Do you think Hiashi likes dressing up like a girl?"

Just then, Hiashi skipped by, after scarring Neji for life, and was still dressed in the tutu and frilly dress and ballet shoes.

Temari stared, "Err…yeah….now that I've seen THAT…plus, where else would you have gotten the bikini?" Temari eyed the bikini that was now lying on the floor now that Gaara was in a grey sweater and black baggy pants.

"It's from your closet…I stole it…"

"YOU DID WHAT!" Temari started advancing on Gaara who looked at little scared. Usually, his sister was scared of him, but now it seemed that she was over it.

Temari cracked his knuckles.

Kankuro backed away, with some dolls in his hands…er…puppets…

Gaara backed up against a tree.

Suddenly, all three heard some music.

_**Oops!...I did it again**  
I played with your heart, got lost in the game  
Oh baby, baby  
Oops!...You think I'm in love  
That I'm sent from above  
I'm not that innocent_

You see my problem is this  
I'm dreaming away  
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist  
I cry, watching the days  
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways  
But to lose all my senses  
That is just so typically me  
Baby, oh  
Suddenly, Sakura came running past them, with her shirt half torn and her clothes nearly off and Sasuke chasing her with a boombox and belting out the words to Britney Spears' "Oops! I Did It Again".

Sakura and Sasuke disappeared from view a few minutes later.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Ribbit.

Splat.

It seems as if all this craziness is causing a certain frog to commit suicide…(if you read Chapter 9 of "Cleared", then you'll get this inside joke…XD)

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara looked at each other.

Suddenly, Temari slapped Gaara.

"What was that for…sister?" Gaara had a huge red handprint on his face.

Temari looked scared, "I didn't do anything! I'm serious! Someone just moved my arm or something?"

Gaara looked at her closely, "There are no chakra strings…"

"Back off, pervert!" Temari punched Gaara in the nose.

"TEMARI! I'M YOUR BROTHER!" Temari looked shocked, "I didn't do anything! I swear! Someone forced me to!"

They both looked at Kankuro, who was chuckling evilly while playing with a Barbie and Ken doll. However, the dolls were in the same position as Gaara and Temari.

"Kankuro…" Gaara started.

"Are those voodoo dolls of US?" Temari was turning redder by the moment.

Kankuro nodded and Gaara was suddenly doing the hula while Temari was doing a handstand.

"Which…one…is…me?" Gaara shouted over the hula music that was playing in the background.

Kankuro smirked. He knew that either answer would make Gaara really, really angry.

"Barbie…"

A vein in Temari's forehead suddenly appeared as she proceeded to do the electric slide, "YOU MEAN I'M **KEN**!"

Kankuro started laughing out loud, who was joined with Gaara.

Temari glared at both of them.

"At least I'M not BARBIE, Gaara…" she muttered.

Gaara suddenly had a dangerous expression on his face.

Luckily, he was interrupted from his thoughts of torturing Temari as Sakura appeared before them, looking very dirty and VERY tired.

"…finally…got…rid…of…him…" Sakura said in between pants.

"Who? Sasuke?" Kankuro spoke up.

"Yeah…"

Gaara walked up, "Sakura…," he said in a romance-y/commercial-man voice, "will you do me the honor of…marrying me?"

Sakura backed up, "Temari, what's wrong with your brother?"

"It's my stupid brother, Kankuro! He's contro" Temari stopped and then began talking again, this time, controlled by Kankuro, who was playing with the voodoo dolls behind his back, "GAARA'S REACHED PUBERTY!"

By now, Sakura was getting VERY confused.

"Er…Gaara? I'm only 15…"

"So? I'm only, like, 16" Gaara replied in a girl voice. (Barbie must be rubbing off him…XD)

Sakura suddenly noticed Kankuro mouthing the words Gaara was saying and saw the dolls in his hands.

"Er…Kankuro…are those voodoo dolls?"

"Err…yeah…" Kankuro suddenly whipped out a poodle doll and began controlling Sakura with it.

Five minutes later, Sakura was on top of Gaara and they were…er…making out…

Now, if you looked at Kankuro, he would be mashing Barbie and her dog together while the Ken doll was lying flat on his stomach, which Temari was.

"Kankuro…I ….need…to…get…up…" Temari choked up, her mouth filled with dead leaves and dirt.

Kankuro chuckled evilly, ignoring Temari's pleads and the muffled groans (and no, they're not moans…XD).

Suddenly, a rabid squirrel from Shino's disco dancing party ran up and bit Kankuro on the butt.

"ARGH!"

"Serves you right!"

Suddenly, all four ninjas heard a strange rustling.

_every night in my dreams_

_i see you_

_, i feel you,  
that is how i know you go on_

_far across the distance and spaces between us  
you have come to show you go on_

_near, far,  
wherever you are _

_I believe that the heart does go on once more  
you open the door here in my heart_

_and my heart will go on  
and only love can touch us one time_

_and last for a lifetime  
and never let go till we're gone_

_love was when i loved you one true time  
i hold to in my life we'll always go on...  
_Sasuke suddenly burst through the bushes, singing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" and found Gaara and Sakura…er…on top of each other.

"NO! MY LOVE! MY HEART IS BROKEN!…." Sasuke cried, "Ahh…however, as one wise person said, 'it is better to have loved than never love (?)'….but still, MY POOR SAKURA! YOUR BEAUTY HAS BEEN DEFILED!"

Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, and Sakura suddenly froze.

"Sasuke…you can talk like that?" Sakura questioned, turning blue at the thought of Sasuke cutting his hair like Lee's.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Ribbit.

Splat.

Ahh….another frog has commited suicide…I feel so bad for the frog population in Konoha…XD

Another rustling was heard from the bushes. Was it the body of the dead frog?

No.

It turned out to be none other than…

"KABUTO! WHERE IS THAT YOUNG UCHIHA! I **MUST** HAVE HIS BODY!"

Orochimaru stumbled through the bushes and looked around, searching for his glasses-clad companion.

He turned around and suddenly saw Sasuke.

"SASUKE! I MUST HAVE YOUR BODY!"

Kankuro, Temari, Gaara, Sasuke, and Sakura snapped out of their trance.

"WHY DO YOU WANT MY PERFECT UCHIHA BODY!"

"SASUKE-KUN! DON'T! HE'S A **PEDOPHILE!"**

"AAHHH! **IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON**!"

----------------------

Well, I guess I kept my promise –I made this chappie 8 pages long…anyways, if you didn't already know, the last three lines were said in order by Sasuke, Sakura, and Kankuro…I wouldn't put it pass through Kankuro to know about Michael Jackson…anyways, I hope this is less random and more funny…I've been sorta getting reviews that this fic is really random…anyways, this is just for my own amusement so I guess that makes me a really random person…XD…anyways, REVIEW!(thank you, thank you) Oh, and THANK YOU TO ALL MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS!


	6. Discovery Channel

Chapter 6

Hey you guys! Sorry this is a day late…I was too…er…caught up in reading some fanfics….i apologize for that…anyways, some of these ideas were sorta from my sister and they were just too good for me to pass up so …yeah…here they are…Oh, and thanks to Arue who gave me some ideas for Sasuke's songs…seriously…thank you, Arue and my OTHER AWESOMELY COOL REVIEWERS! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, then Itachi would have one of those Italian mustaches…lol…can you picture that?

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Orochimaru looked around.

"Wait…did you say Michael Jackson? Who is he?"

Kankuro pulled out a photograph out of his pants (er…not THERE, people…XD), "That's the guy…doesn't he look like you?"

Blink.

Blink.

"Like, oh my god! He's like TOTALLY hot! Like, where does he live?" Orochimaru suddenly sounded…er…girlier than usual.

Temari spoke up, "He lives in Neverland…yeah…but he's a child molester…."

Orochimaru's eyes widened as the group watched on.

"I WANT HIS BODY!"

"Um…Oro-chan…." Kabuto emerged from the bushes, "have you given up on Sasuke's body?"

"I MUST FIND MICHAEL JACKSON!"

"Er…Oro-chan?"

Sasuke sniggered at Kabuto's nickname for Orochimaru as the snake sannin turned towards and started walking in his direction.

"So…SSSSSSSassssssssuke…..you're not JEALOUS, are you?" Orochimaru started stroking Sasuke's cheek as and held onto his (Sasuke's) waist.

THUMP!

Orochimaru was on the ground with a HUGE footprint on the middle of his face.

_THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH **MY** SASUKE!_ Sakura's foot was still grinding Orochimaru's nose.

"Never. Touch. My. Sasuke."

"AHHH! IT'S THE PINK-HAIRED BOOGEYMAN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Kabuto grabbed Orochimaru's hand and started running, before they got killed by the…er… "pink-haired boogyman"…or should I say, "boogeywoman…"

All eyes turned to Sakura, who was still grinding the dirt beneath her feet where Orochimaru's nose was a few minutes ago.

Sasuke slowly walked up to Sakura, who was in front of him, and put his arms around her.

"Thank you, Sakura….i don't know what I would have done without you….as a gift, I will sing my favorite song for you." (A/N: XD…I LOVE torturing Sasuke like this…hmm…maybe I should make him start crying…XD)

The boom box was turned on as the music blasted out. Sasuke began to sing.

(**A/N: PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE LYRICS! (**if you want to be scarred or if you wanna get the whole point of this chapter…** XD)**

Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating  
But there are several other very important differences  
Between human beings and animals that you should know about  
I'd appreciate your input  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
Gaara stopped twiddling with Barbie.

Temari stopped doing handstands and cartwheels.

Kankuro stopped stroking his picture of Michael Jackson.

Sakura was…er…GLADLY obeying what the song was saying and was totally going at it with Sasuke on the ground where our favorite Snake Sannin's nose once was.

Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro started backing away slowly from the two "mammals" who were going at it like on the Discovery Channel. When they were safely away from the two (they could only hear some occasional moans…XD), Gaara coughed.

"So, Kankuro…I never knew you were INTERESTED in Michael Jackson in THAT sort of way."

Kankuro huffed at Gaara's suggestion, "oh…that's nothing…just used to be in to his music, that's all…"

Temari smirked, "So that's why you carry his picture around everywhere?"

"Well, it can come in handy! It just did a few minutes ago, didn't it?"

Gaara sighed, "Well, we now have a new problem on our hands. We have to stop those two," Gaara flicked a hand over in the direction of Sasuke and Sakura, "to stop going at it long enough so we can get out of the woods…that way, they can rent a hotel room while I go to the Academy."

"Wait…why are you going to the Academy? Only kids are there?" Temari frowned.

"Gaara probably wants to kill them…or do it with them like on the D. Channel…" Kankuro started giggling.

Gaara narrowed his eyes.

"They have a sandbox. Now let's go."

"Oooohhh….little Gaara likes playing in the itty bitty sandbox!" Temari teased.

Gaara started uncorking his gourd, a sign that he was getting irritated.

However, something popped out.

Something that wasn't sand.

Kankuro leapt at the flying rubbery yellow thing and caught it in his hand.

"Give it back."

"Not until I see what it is."

"Give it."

Kankuro opened his hand just as Gaara snatched it away. However, he had already gotten a glimpse of it.

"Gaara…are you for real?"

"What? What's going on?" Poor Temari was in the dark.

Kankuro explained to his sister, "Gaara's getting…er…ready…for some Discovery Channel…he's growing up! Gaara is now a man! Yahoo!"

Temari fought down puke as she listened to Kankuro and looked at Gaara who was fingering the rubber thing. (if you haven't figured out what it is, shame on you…you're too innocent to read this..XD…jk…just PM me if you really don't know and you really wanna be scarred for life but DON'T if you haven't had "the talk" yet….seriously…) (oh, and gaara's not fingering the thing THAT way, people…seriously, I'm not that crazy..XD)

"Is Kankuro telling the truth?"

Gaara blushed.

Temari sighed.

"Fine. Come on. We have to get you that new Icha Icha Paradise edition that just came out. At least you'll be prepared."

Gaara nodded, completely UNPREPARED for what he was about to read.

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(in the middle of the woods)

The jounin had all gathered at Tsunade's house again, and they were all eating popcorn as they were watching primetime.

"Oh god…" Anko whispered.

"Yeah…I can't believe Sasuke would actually watch the Discovery Channel…" Kakashi shuddered at the thought of his favorite student watching documentaries and mating episodes between elephants and who knows what.

"No…it's not that, Kakashi…what Anko's trying to say is that she never knew that Sasuke could actually go at it like in the Discovery Channel…" Asuma explained, eyes still glued to the screen.

"Oh…I knew that all along…" Kakashi smirked.

"Oh, and did you? How would you know about that?" Anko frowned, glaring at Kakashi.

"Oh…uh…well, you see…we were in the middle of sparring…and…er…"

Luckily, Kakashi was saved (and our minds also…XD) because Kurenai interrupted them with a shout of laughter.

"GAARA…."

Pant.

"PUTS…"

Pant.

"YOU-KNOW-WHAT'S"

Pant.

"ON HIS CORK!"

Unfortunately, since everyone else had been paying attention to the conversation between Kakashi and Anko, they thought Kurenai was making an innuendo about what was happening on tv.

"Oh…baby…why don't we try that to? Hmmm? That way, you'll be PROTECTED…." Asuma whispered seductively in Kurenai's ear. Within seconds, they were on top of each other.

-sighs- it seems as if the potion hasn't worn off yet…XD

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It had been four long hours.

And Sasuke and Sakura were still going at it.

Hard.

Suddenly, the two weren't alone, as they heard some rustling in the bushes. However, the two were too…er…preoccupied…that they didn't notice whoever it was until he stepped out of the bushes…

Wearing green spandex.

"CHOUJI!" (you thought it was Lee, right? Haha….anyways, this is gonna be more scary..XD)

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN GREEN SPANDEX! YOU'RE RUINING MY EYES! THEY BURN!" Sakura screamed and hugged a very naked Uchiha next to her for comfort.

"WELL, WHY ARE YOU AND SASUKE NAKED!" Chouji retorted back, his stomach jiggling in the tight spandex.

Suddenly, Orochimaru popped up.

"Hey! Get some fashion sense, will ya? No one wears a blue underwear on his head with green spandex….change into a pink underwear!"

And with that, Orochimaru disappeared, crying, "MICHAEL JACKSON, I LOVE YOU!"

-------------------

(Neverland)

Michael Jackson sneezed.

"…hmm…might be some wannabe crushing on my picture again…" the legendary singer –cough-molester-cough- sighed as he poured himself some tea.

-------------------

(somewhere…)

Itachi was on the sofa watching his Gaara uncork his gourd and the condom flying into the air. Then, the screen showed Sasuke and Sakura going at it. Hard. Finally, Chouji stepped out, clad in green spandex.

The elder Uchiha dropped his popcorn.

Behind him, Kisame came out.

"Er…Itachi?"

"Hn…"

"We have a slight problem…"

"What is it?" Itachi's eyes were glued to the screen.

"It seems as if the toilet has exploded."

Itachi turned around and looked at Kisame.

"What!"

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And there you have it, folks! The 6th chapter of Attack of the Inners…wow….this took forever…oh, and btw, I've been getting so few reviews! It's making me so sad…:(…ah well….this IS for my own amusement anyways…..well, REVIEW! Seriously, it gives me more motivation…cuz it seems the review count has dropped these past 2 chapters…anyways, THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO ARE GOING AND WHO HAVE REVIEWED! YOU GUYS DESERVE COOKIES!

Ja ne!


	7. Skittles and Squirrels

Chapter 7

Hey you guys! How's it going? I'm kinda sugar high right now so bear with me….oh, and if you saw a girl reading "Lethal Drug" at Barnes and Nobles today, then that was me….oh, and if you saw a girl on the street singing either "Animal I Have Become", "I Hate Everything About You" or "They All Fall Down", then that was me…everybody on the sidewalk was like avoiding me and staring at me…XD

Anyways, I'd like to thank all my FAITHFUL REVIEWERS! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! ( I know I say this every chapter, but it's the thought that counts, right? I mean, it only takes TWO SECONDS to type a review…so c'mon, review after reading) Oh, and I only have a half hour to do this so this chappie is gonna be shorter –maybe 5 or 6 pages at most…gomenesai!

Disclaimer: Okay, I'm getting tired of creating creative disclaimers…if you have any suggestions, then pm me….they should seriously have a site for cool disclaimers….anyways, for all you lawyers out there, I DON'T OWN NARUTO –OTHERWISE, IT'D BE CALLED "SASUKE" SO THERE! XD

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(somewhere)

Itachi looked at Kisame.

"What did you say?"

"The…er…toilet exploded…"

"How? You better explain NOW…I'm in the middle of something…"

Kisame followed Itachi's eyes to the tv screen, where Chouji was in green spandex and blue underwear.

"Geez…you'd think he'd have more fashion sense…..you wear pink underwear with spandex, not blue…." Kisame said. (this is coming from Gill-face who likes wearing black cloaks with big fluffy fat red clouds everyday…XD)

"And I would trust you not to be covered in your own….human waste…..everytime you went to the bathroom…" Itachi countered, irritated that Kisame was stinking up the whole room and ruining his tv show.

"Well, the toilet exploded!"

"Why?"

Kisame turned bluer than usual (if he was a NORMAL human being, he would have turned pink cuz he's blushing), "Well, you see….I was eating Cheerios with Deidera and we sort of got into an argument….about art…..since Sasori isn't here….so anyways, I started making fun of him and then five minutes later, I had a REALLY bad stomachache….."

"Let's go take a look at it," Itachi was getting bored seeing Orochimaru whine about Michael Jackson and so he followed our favorite shark-guy into the bathroom.

They entered the bathroom…or what was left of it. The bathroom had been Kisame's pride and joy, for he had cleaned it faithfully every Saturday with Windex and Oxy-clean and toothbrushes. However, the once shiny pristine bathroom was now ruined –it was covered in brown goo, the kind known to mankind as poop.

"What is there poop everywhere?" Itachi asked, with disgust written all over his face.

"The toilet exploded while I was pooping…."

"Why are there Cheerios on the poop?" It seemed as if Itachi's brain had been fried overnight.

"Well….i think Deidera did something to me so the Cheerios wouldn't….er….digest…"

"Clean it up…" Itachi walked out of the bathroom, leaving Kisame covered in poop in the middle of the smelly bathroom.

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(Ninja Academy)

Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro stopped at the Ninja Academy so Gaara could claim his sandbox for half and hour before they introduced him to Icha Icha Paradise. You could say that this was going to be Gaara's last innocent moment, frolicking in the sandbox, scaring little kids away. Ahh….the joys of childhood….anyways, back to the fic.

"Ssssand…..I've missed you ssssooo….much…." Gaara said as he uncorked his gourd and let his sand mix with the sand in the playground. The other little kids in the playground wisely ignored the older redhead who was now fondling his newfound love, namely, the sand.

"Err…Temari…I think we should leave Gaara by himself…I don't think he wants us to watch him….er…._play_….with his sand…." Kankuro said, backing away from the sandbox while a chibi Gaara was glaring at him. Gaara suddenly transformed his sand into little squirrels and they started chasing Kankuro.

"AHH! GET…THEM….OFF…OF ME! THEY BITE!" Kankuro started running around in circles and was screaming bloody murder.

"Um…Kankuro…watch out for that…" Kankuro slammed into a tree, "…that tree…" Temari sighed, watching the rabid sand squirrels biting Kankuro's…butt…

"My BUTT! YOU BETTER NOT BITE ANY FURTHER! I WANNA BE A FATHER SOMEDAY, YOU KNOW!"

By this time, Iruka had come up and had hustled all the little kids into the academy so they wouldn't be scarred for life watching Kankuro's castration…XD (I am so evil…aren't I? Don't worry…Kankuro will be a father someday…I hope…)

The rabid squirrels had apparently found what they were looking for and ran back to Gaara, holding the yellow rubbery object.

"YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME YOU WANTED IT BACK, GAARA! I WANTED TO BE A FATHER, YOU KNOW!"

Gaara shrugged, "But that was fun….it would have been boring if I just asked you to give it back…"

Temari sighed for the millionth time that day, "Look, we gotta get out of here…everybody's looking at us weirdly…"

Gaara and Kankuro looked at the Academy's windows and saw Konohamaru and his friends and Iruka peering and spying through the windows.

Suddenly, Hiashi skipped by, decked in his ballerina getup and pink ribbons in his hair.

OO

O.O

-.-U

Gaara and Kankuro found themselves no longer the object of attention and proceeded in continuing their argument.

----------------------------------------

(Ichiraku's)

"So, Hinata, what do you wanna do today?" Naruto asked as he was on his 10th bowl of ramen.

"LET'S GO SHOPPING!" Hinata dragged Naruto to the nearest mall and began looking for swimwear.

"whoa….i never knew Konoha had a mall…." Naruto said, looking around, "do they have any ramen stands here?"

"No…but they have Candyworld here!" Hinata cried.

"What's candy?"

Hinata sighed, "Come here, I'll show you. You HAVE to eat the skittles and pixy stix though…"

(at the candy shop)

Hinata put a couple of skittles in Naruto's hand.

_Gulp._

Naruto chewed and swallowed all 5 skittles at once.

5…

4….

3….

2….

1….

"I LOVE CANDY! CANDY IS AWESOME! I MUST HAVE CANDY! YOSH!" Naruto began zipping around the store, eating every single piece of candy in his wake.

M&Ms

Snickers

Starbursts

Lindt

Hershey's Kisses

Candycorn

Naruto finally came to the aisle of pixy stix and started sucking on the sugar.

5….

4….

3….

2…

1…

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Sorry this had to end on a cliffhanger but I don't have time so yeah…see you next week…**oh, and if you have any ideas of what happens to naruto PLEASE REVIEW OR PM ME!** oh, and THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED!


	8. Cheerios and Pixy Stix

Chapter 8

Hey! It's been forever since I updated…sorry about that but high school is just killing me…I have about 2 tests every other day and it's really annoying…and I've also been hooked on all those itasaku fics and sasusaku fics….XD…but DON'T WORRY! This fic will stay sasusaku cuz I can't write anything with itasaku in it or it'll be all angsty and I can't write angsty stuff…seriously, I get like NO reviews for all my angsty stuff –read Starry Starry Night and you'll know…XD

Anyways, ON WITH THE FIC! OH, AND PLZ KEEP UP W/ THE REVIEWS! THEY'RE REALLY APPRECIATED!

Diss the claimer: Yeah…don't wanna do that or lawyers will be chewing on your ass…XD

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"MUST HAVE PEPSI! PEPSI! PEPSI! PIXY STIX ARE COOL! MUST HUG HINATA-CHAN! OMG…IS THAT A CHICKEN!" Naruto started jumping all over the place, knocking down various stacks of candy corn and piles of Milky Ways.

Suddenly, Hiashi skipped down the aisle, in his ballerina costume.

"AHH! IT'S THE RETURN OF THE NUTCRACKER! IT'S THE EVIL RAT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Naruto started screaming again, and was hugging Hiashi tightly.

"gmff…aurghmffff….whamfmmmf a…fkjfe youlkmlji doinmmmffffghrrrr…." Hiashi said, muffled by Naruto's hug.

"Err…..i don't think you want to do that….Hiashi might not appreciate that…er…hug…" Hinata warned Naruto as he started squeezing Hiashi till he turned blue.

"YOSH! NARUTO! YOU ARE AWESOME! DO YOU WANT TO WEAR THIS PINK TUTU AS A SYMBOL OF YOUR GRACEFULNESS!" Hiashi screamed/asked, sounding like Gai and Lee.

"ER…HOW ABOUT NO? I'M SORTA HIGH ON THE CANDY CORN…WANT SOME?"

"SURE! THAT'D BE GREAT!"

"HERE!"

Munch.

Munch.

"THIS IS SO AWESOME! BUT I NEED SOMETHING TO WASH IT DOWN!" Hiashi said…er….loudly.

"SURE! HAVE A SWIG OF MY PEPSI!"

"OKAY!"

Gulp.

"THAT WAS GOOD…wait a sec…did you already drink from that?" Hiashi started shivering.

"Err…yeah…." Naruto began scratching his head.

"NOO! THE GERMS!"

"Wait…I don't have germs…" Naruto said.

Hinata, deciding that it was payback for all the times that Hiashi had put her down.

"Oh…yeah, didn't you hear? Naruto has malaria…" She said, grinning evilly.

Hiashi gulped, "he does?"

Naruto stared, "I do?"

"Yeah, remember what Tsunade said? You could give it to anyone by giving them what you drank or ate," Hinata stared fixedly on the Pepsi can.

Hiashi started shuddering as Naruto scratched his head and put an arm around Hiashi who flinched, thinking of all the malaria germs infiltrating his system.

"Don't worry, Hiashi-sama…we'll GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER! WE'LL BE MALARIA BUDDIES!" Naruto shrieked, his voice escalating throughout the whole store.

The owner suddenly came up to them, "Er…you have to leave…you're disturbing my customers…" The owner fidgeted, not wanting to get malaria.

"SURE! DON'T WORRY! LET'S GO HINATA!" Naruto grabbed Hinata's hand and started running out the store.

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(somewhere…)

Itachi was staring at the screen, wondering when Naruto had gotten malaria.

_If he dies, does that mean the Kyuubi dies too? Ah welll….that's why we gotta catch him soon…_

Itachi sighed, not finding a point to the show, but continued chewing on his popcorn. Kisame sat next to him, watching intently.

Suddenly, cheerios started appearing everywhere.

"Why are they Cheerios appearing everywhere?" Itachi asked.

"I don't know…I was about to ask you the same thing," Kisame said, looking around, trying to find the source of the Cheerios.

"Kisame…why are they coming out everywhere?"

Somewhere in the corner of the room, Deidera giggled evilly.

_That's what you get for pissing me off…yeah…_

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE CHEERIOS!" Itachi had reached his limit.

"I don't know!" Kisame started panicking and suddenly froze.

"Err…Itachi?"

"Yeah…" Itachi's eyebrow started twitching. (bad habits, guys! XD)

"Er…is that a cheerio up your butt crack?"

"How can you see my butt crack?" Itachi was apparently very sensitive with his butt crack

"I can't…it's just that there's a round thing on you butt and on your…er…area…" Kisama stuttered, trying not to laugh at the glaring and blushing Uchiha.

"AHH! I HAVE PROSTATE CANCER!" Itachi screamed.

Itachi had definitely lost it….XD

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Meanwhile, Naruto, Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke had joined up. Apparently, Sakura and Sasuke were done going at it in the woods like the Discovery Channel.

"HEY YOU GUYS! WHAT WERE YOU DOING? YOU'RE COVERED IN DIRT!" Naruto screamed.

"Err….we were …..busy?" Sakura tried to cover up.

"Err…yeah right…." Hinata muttered, "You were probably going at it like the Discovery Channel…"

"Hey, how'd you know?" Sasuke asked, excited that someone could read minds.

"I just guessed, and it's pretty obvious too…"

"Hey, Naruto, what're you doing?" Sasuke tried to divert the attention away from him and Sakura.

"Err…I'm drawing on an egg…"

"Why?"

"Cuz I feel like it…"

"Who are you drawing?"

"Hinata…"

THUMP.

Hinata was apparently out.

"Why does she have a moustache?" Sakura asked, peering at the egg.

"Oh, that's her hair…"

"Okay…."

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(cabin in the woods)

"Hey, you guys…what came first, the chicken or the egg?" Tsunade asked the other ninjas.

"Err…I think the egg came first…" Kakashi said.

"Wait…then does that mean that God is a chicken cuz he laid the egg?" Tsunade asked.

OO

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"SASUKE WEARS A GIRDLE! SASUKE WEARS A GIRDLE!" Sakura started screeching after Naruto gave her some pixy sticks.

"Wait…Sasuke's a girl?…Did he flash you? Oh look, a quarter!" Naruto bent down and picked up an imaginary quarter.

"NARUTO!"

Sakura began to think up of torture methods….

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

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Okay, some of that humor was a repeat of Cleared cuz I copied the wrong thing but I was too lazy which is why the end is a little off…anyways, review and tell me how Sakura should torture Naruto…oh, and sorry there was no song here…I only had like forty minutes to do this and …well…yeah…I promise that the next chapter of Cleared will be awesome though cuz I worked on it at school. Anyways, REVIEW, PEEPS! (thank you for all the reviews I've gotten so far!)


	9. AstroTurf

Chapter 9

Hey you guys…I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever –ducks from flying utensils and pepsi cans and tomatoes- BUT….i have a good reason….-laughs nervously- high school is killing me and I've recently taken a liking to nejiten fics…XD…so, if you guys know any nejiten fics that are really good, feel free to pm me the title and I'll dedicate the next chappie to you guys, okay?

Anyways, I had trouble thinking up of this chappie cuz…well, I used many of my ideas and put them into cleared…HOWEVER, I just got back from this ropes course two days ago and …let's just say it was a hilarious experience at the cafeteria…but more on that later…XD

Anyways, I need ideas for this fic cuz that's why there are fewer updates….ANY ideas would be THANKFULLY accepted.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN, YOU MINDLESS LAWYERS WHO DRIVE BLUE PORSCHES! (just watch the movie "Cellular" on comcast –it's hliarious…

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As Gaara and his sand sibs were out terrorizing the Academy and Naruto was scaring Hiashi with his "malaria" and while Itachi was hyperventilating at the thought of getting chemo and losing his beautiful hair (drool…XD), Lee and Gai had somehow gotten ahold of the cake.

(Flashback)

"Gai-sensei, why are we spying on Konoha's youthful Tsunade?" Lee whispered as he and Gai crawled up the Hokage's tower."

"_Ahh!" Lee suddenly shrieked out._

"_What is the matter, Lee?" Gai asked his "youthful" student._

"_I…have…..GUM ON MY SPANDEX!" Lee cried out, arms and legs flailing as he fell from the tower._

"_Lee! I will save you, my YOUTHFUL student!" Gai cried out as he flew down from his perch and fell down 50 feet from the tower._

_5.._

_4…_

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

_THUMP…_

"_Er…Gai…." Lee lay sprawled on the pavement of the sidewalk, temporarily knocked out._

"_Yes, my youthful student?" Gai inquired._

_Somewhere nearby, an old lady started screaming. _

_Gai and Lee turned to the source of the screaming, and saw that the old lady was standing right next to them, looking down upon them._

"_Yes, my youthful passerby. What is the matter?" Lee inquired politely, wanting to comfort the old hag who was screaming her head off and pointing at Gai and Lee._

"THEY'RE…..THEY'RE……GAY NINJAS!" The lady cried, fainting from the sight of the spandex-clad student and teacher. "Er….Gai?" 

"_Yes?" Gai looked down upon his student, who was currently laying down beneath him._

"_I think our youthful baa-chan was thinking unyouthful thoughts because of our unyouthful position…"Lee said, his doll-like eyes becoming as wide as dinnerplates as Gai stared at him, suddenly realizing their awkward positions._

_Suddenly, Hiashi danced by, in his ballerina tutu._

_Twitch._

_Twitch._

"_Lee…."_

"_Yes, Gai-sensei?" Lee looked inquiringly at his teacher._

"_Let's hurry up and get that cake." Gai got up and the two started climbing up the building again._

"_Yes! We must eat that youthful cake that everyone is talking about!" Lee declared, forgetting about the "incident" with the old lady._

_(End flashback)_

As Lee and Gai hungrily stuffed themselves with the tainted cake, a change swept over their features

"Lee, we must…" Gai started speaking and spraying crumbs everywhere, "We must grow ASTRO-TURF!"

"But Gai, we can't grow astro-turf since it's artificial…." Lee said.

"Yes Lee, however, my youthful student, I meant that we should grow astro-turf on our spandex!"

"Yosh! That is such a youthful idea!" Lee shook his fist in the air.

Sensei and student walked out to the nearest garden store.

(at the store)

Gai and Lee walked in the store and took a deep breath.

"See that, Lee? That is the smell of youth!" Gai said, pointing at the various flowers on display.

Cricket.

Cricket.

"NOOO! THE SIGHT OF YOU TWO MAKES ME WANT TO **VOMIT!**" It was the old lady from before, apparently.

Lee and Gai started backing up until they bumped into another group of old ladies.

The group stopped and started whispering speaking among themselves.

"Oh Bertha, see I told you we shouldn't have came here. It was a gay meeting house anyways…"

"Oh dear, Esther. I guess you were right after all. But the manager seemed so nice!" The old lady who appeared to be Esther said.

"Oh well…come on, hun…let's leave…" Bertha pulled Esther away.

Suddenly, Lee and Gai bumped into the manager, who peered up from his insomnia ridden eyes, which were under the black bags which stood out like dark lumps of pimples.

"May I help you, kind sirs?" The manager grinned scarily.

"Yes, oh youthful store-keeper. We need ASTRO-TURF!"

"Oh dear….oh dearie me….I think we might have that somewhere…" The manager hobbled off and started rifling through the shelves, and finally came out with a huge roll of astro-turf.

"Do you see that, Lee? It looks so YOUTHFUL!" Gai started shaking his fist in the air, doing a victory dance to the tune of the "I'm not wearing any underwear today" infomercial on the real ninjas amv (you should see it on youtube-just type in "real ninjas")

"YOSH!" Lee cried. The two soon became immersed in taping the astro-turf to their jumpsuits.

(a couple of hours later)

"Yosh! We have completed our goal!" Lee and Gai jumped in the air, hugging each other. The background of a sunset and rushing waterfall suddenly appeared.

However, the two became carried away though, by the effect of eating the cake. As a result, they had decided that they'd each grow some "real" astro-turf on their chins, and so they grow mini-goatees. Finishing their work, the two headed out –Lee in search of Sakura to show off his new goatee and Gai to compare his goatee to Kakashi's gravity-defying hair.

(with Lee)

"OY SAKURA! CHECK OUT MY NEW GOATEE!" Lee cried joyfully upon finding his cherry blossom.

Cricket.

Cricket.

"SASUKE, SAVE ME FROM THE WALKING ASTRO-TURF BOY!" Sakura jumped into Sasuke's arms, panting heavily from the sight of Lee with his goatee.

"Lee…word of advice…with the goatee, you're never gonna get a girlfriend…" Sasuke said, holding back a chuckle of laughter.

"Why?" The innocent Lee asked.

"Because you're girlfriend will suffer from … burns….as in….brisly goatee burns…" the Uchiha said uncomfortably, shuddering at the thought of a rope/goatee-burned girl kissing Lee.

Sakura and Sasuke walked away, with Lee wondering about the possibility of giving someone something worse than herpes.

"Nah…that would be too unyouthful…" Lee said in response to giving a youthful girl goatee burns.

However, as much as Sakura and Sasuke were repulsed by the sight of Lee with a brisly goatee, they kept coming back for more…(oh god, that did sound wrong, didn't it? XD)

Fifteen minutes later after staring at the atrocity on Lee's chin, Sakura and Sasuke managed to drag themselves away from the horrifying yet _arousing_ sight…(it must be the cake….-sighs-)

"Sasuke, now Lee must think we're stalking him…" Sakura said quietly as the two tried to slip away unseen. Little did she know that Lee was right behind them.

"What did you say, my youthful cherry blossom?" Lee asked, oblivious to Sakura's horror and Sasuke's laughs.

Sakura just buried her head into the Uchiha's chest as the two laughed their way home.

(with Gai)

"See Kakashi! I told you I'd beat you in something. This time, I have a goatee and YOU DON'T! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kakashi merely raised his eyebrow.

"Gai…you DO realize that you're gonna have to trim that sooner or later…"

"Why?"

"Because your future –cough-nonexistent-cough- girlfriend will get a faceful of hair if you guys ever make out…"

Kakashi started reading his little orange book again as Gai hmphed and left the bar.

-------------------

So, how'd you like it? The incident with the astro-turf thing actually happened –I was at the ropes course and we had to eat lunch at the cafeteria at the college of the place we were at. Anyways, the college had just turned co-ed so there were only like five guys there, excluding the gay ones…XD…ANYWAYS, my friend and I were walking by this guy with a HUGE goatee and we were like laughing so hard and then I started choking. Anyways, there was this middle aged guy unloading stuff and he turned and started smiling creepily at me so I almost sprayed my diet pepsi everywhere.

Unfortunately, my friend and I were obsessed with looking at the guy and then we found out that he had a girlfriend and my friend was like, "eew…she must get like, third degree rope burns when they make out…" and I started laughing again…we almost didn't get caught but then we walked back to our seats and I said, "I think astro-turf guy thinks we're stalking him…" and then my friend poked me and I looked back and ASTRO-TURF GUY WAS WALKING WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND RIGHT BEHIND US! As you can tell, I was like . 

Anyways, if you guys have any ideas, I NEED THEM because I'm running out of them and that's why there are fewer updates…so, I thank you guys in advance and PLEASE REVIEW!


	10. The Days Before the End

Chapter 10

Okay, people…I have a couple of reasons for not updating this for like, two months…I was entered into an art contest and my parents made me draw my butt off for all of November. During December, school was just killing me –I had homework from every subject, everyday…so, now that I am finally updating this, I wanted to let you guys know that **THIS IS GOING TO BE THE LAST CHAPTER**….yes people, as unbelievable as this sounds, its true…anyways, I have a couple of reasons for finishing this fic off:

I have no more ideas…seriously people, I don't want to drag this on any longer…

School –I have way too little time to update any stories at all, so 'Cleared' will be finished by New Year's too.

2007 –I seriously wanna start off the New Year with a new fic, and be done with my old ones.

So, as much as I hate to say this, 'Attack of the Inners' will be finished as of today. However, if you have any ideas –I prefer either some perverted ones (such as my three oneshots 'Room 69', 'Christmas in Room 69', and 'All I Want For Christmas Is') or some serious ones (like my oneshots in 'Perspectives'). Anyways, if you wanna read some more of my work, I recommend to you my above fanfics and look out for a new fanfic for 2007! –hugs and kisses my faithful and awesome reviewers-

Disclaimer: Will New Year's ever be on January 2nd? Will I ever own Naruto? The answer is clear: no.

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One week passed.

And then another.

And another.

"No!" Tsunade cried, "There are only three more days till the cake wears off!" The Hokage slumped in her chair, downing some sake in the process, making her even more tipsy.

"You know you had to end it sometime…" Shizune said, picking up the mess in Tsunade's office, "And plus, why don't you just make these last few days last?"

Tsunade snapped her fingers.

"That I _can_ do…" Tsunade spun around in her chair, rubbing her hands together.

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(Three Days before the end of the month)

"Hey Neji!" Tenten skipped towards Neji.

"Tenten!" Neji half-cried as he went up to hug his brown-haired teammate…and…er…roommate…more specifically…._bed_mate…

"How's it going?" Tenten plopped down on the grassy field that was Team 10's training grounds.

"Well…" Neji started, but then stopped as Tenten moved in closer,, filling the air with her sweet ….smell, "er…you smell nice…"

There was a thump next to the Hyuuga a few seconds later, and Neji turned around and saw Tenten laying on the ground, apparently having fainted from the unexpectedness of Neji's reply.

Neji leaned in closer, so that he was now enveloping her small frame.

"Tenten? Are you okay?"

The wind blew, making Neji's hair fly in the breeze and Tenten's stray strands dance.

Tenten opened her eyes, and was greeted with the sight of Neji's exposed chest that was revealed when his robes fluttered…and promptly became unconscious again.

"Tenten! Speak to me!" Neji pressed his body closer to hers, as if trying to warm her up, in a sense. Suddenly, Neji's nether regions started tingling and doing all sorts of shit and he froze, becoming aware of his state of…arousal.

"N..neji?" Tenten murmured, her eyes half-open.

Neji breathed a sigh of relief and cupped her face in his hands…he knelt closer, and…

Kissed her.

A few seconds later, a scream was heard throughout Team 10's training grounds.

"NEJI! WHAT IS THAT **THING?!**"

It seemed as if the potion was wearing off already.

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(Two days before the end of the month)

"Aww…Shika-kun! You know you love **me** best, right?" Ino cooed in Shikamaru's ear seductively, but ended up sounded like a cat in the shredder.

Shikamaru was suddenly tugged to the opposite side of the bed.

"No…Shika-kun loves me better!" Temari said, pressing herself closer to Shikamaru and earning a growl and half-glare from Ino.

"Now ladies…stop being so troublesome…you know that you both love **me** best, right?" Shikamaru said, bathing in the attention he was receiving.

"Yeah…" both of the kunoichis said in unison, but kept on fighting over the lazy nin.

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

"No! He's mine!"

"He's MINE!"

A few slaps and a few kisses later, Shikamaru had come to a decision.

"Girls! I've changed my mind. I know who I love best."

"Who?" Both girls were seen turning towards the pineapple-haired boy.

"I love Chouji the most!" Shikamaru declared/announced, knowing that this would help both kunoichis shut up.

However, his strategy failed, for just five minutes later, both ladies were packing and heading off to stir-fry Shikamaru's pleasantly plump friend.

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(Last day of the month)

"Sakura! C'mon! We have to do this faster!"

"Sasuke! I'm trying as hard as I can!"

"C'mon!"

"I'm working on it!"

"Oh my gawd Sakura….you are de-_li-_cious!"

"Sasuke…"

"Sakura…"

"Faster!"

"Yeah!"

"C'mon!"

"Sasuke!"

"Sakura!"

After a few minutes of the muffled screams coming from the bedroom of the Uchiha and Haruno, the cops were called. However, they were somehow intercepted and stopped, so Jiraiya got there instead.

Icha Icha Paradise's stocks rose to an all time high that year.

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(Last day of the month in Tsunade's office)

"Shizune! Can you get me some stuff to eat? I'm starving!" Tsunade yelled while doodling in her notebook, which was surprisingly a scene from the new Icha Icha Paradise series that featured her student.

"Sure! I'll have Ton-ton do it!"

"Thanks!"

Five minutes later, the pig arrived with what seemed to be the remains of a very old, _accidentally-potion-filled_ cake. However, Tsunade being famished, she didn't notice it until it was too late.

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The next day, all of the shinobi were ordered to do their duties without any clothes on, with Tsunade saying that it would be beneficial to the population of Konoha.

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The population of Konoha rose about 150 percent nine months afterwards.

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**-fin-**

So? How'd you like it? The ending wasn't so bad, was it? Anyways, thanks for reviewing you guys and see you next time!


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